A Struggle For Intimacy

Poetry is the music of the soul,
As I am baring mine to you.
Thank you to all of my friends that make my life possible.
To God for giving my life meaning.
And to love for giving me something to live for.
--Christine Michelle

I wish I could just dream my self into a new life. One filled with yellow rays of light streaming from the sky all around me holding me up away from harm, and in the light of happiness The days would never end. The lonely nights would only be memories. Tomorrow's dreams would be today's realities. I would be filled with God and the peace of love. The darkness would fade away. I would lye in flowers and violet colored sheets made of silk. The fragrance of flowers fills the air. Life would be so light that I would just float into the clouds. I would be gliding with the birds as they circle me singing there songs of praise to God.

There's a place in my heart
where you can go
where rivers run wild
and the flowers grow
where the skies are blue
and never gray
where the children laugh
and the adults can play
where the mountains are high
and the ocean deep
where the eagles fly
and the sparrows peep
where the colors are bright
and never fade
where my love can be found
in this masquerade

What would I do for you?

Anything you ask me to
I'll swim the ocean
battle the sea
Just to show you
what you mean to me
I'll fall out of the sky
and fly through the air
I'll hover about you
and whisper I'm here.

Devoted to you

If you laugh, I want to be your humor,
For your song, I want to be your music,
For your depression, I want to be the ear and shoulder
If you despair, I want to be your hope
If you're lost, look to me as your light
If you feel lonely, look to me as your friend
If you feel abandon, look to me as your shelter
If you need, I want to give to you
If you're ever confused, come to me I will help you sort it out
Why will I do, and why do I feel this way?
Because I love you, and will forever be devoted to you!

What is the sense in trying
to separate two spirits intertwined,
the mind wonders
yet the souls emerge
breaking the ties that bind
fighting the inevitable
you and me now are we forever more

Come back to me

I look in the sky and scream in the air
"Where are you?"
But there's nobody there
I think what could I
What should I
What have I done?
Night's never fade
Without my sun.

One day my lonely mornings,
Will be filled with flowers
and the fresh sent of coffee.
the drapes pulled back
and the sun light hitting my face.
soft words and much affection will fill my years.
death will find me one day yet
with a smile on my face.

You are my best friend

You walk with me through my fields of woe
And give me a place when there's no where to go. You're always there to give me a hand
Even during those times when you don't understand.
There's nothing like someone who knows you the best Who won't let you down like all of the rest.
The one who carries you through one more day, and gives you the words when there's nothing to say .
It's the person who gives to you
when there is no money to lend
You are this person, You're my best friend.

I don’t have the answers to life

At times I don’t know what to do

I don’t know where I am going

I just hope the directions with you.

Life seems to go so far

And time passes so fast

Now I realize the meaning of  life

It’s only the love that lasts

Cruising

the day is beautiful
the road is wide
driving with you
right by my side
listening to music
daydreaming away
cruising with you
what a beautiful day
the top is down
not a cloud in the sky
I could feel like this forever
never questioning why 

HOPE

For every finger there's a hand
For every hand there's a touch
For every touch there's a smile
For every smile there's a face
For every face there's a person
For every person there's a memory
For every memory there's a life
For every life there's hope.

With each lock there is a key
And we must search so desperately
With each dream we do endeavor
It is our hopes to never say never.

You are so beautiful

It's your turn to be beautiful. Looking at your brings me back to the days when I dazzled the millions who placed their eyes upon me. But it's your turn to be the spectacle of surprise, the splendor of wonder. Oh, but it was good remembering me once again the shadow of your grace.

I am always striving to do my best
Reaching and climbing
Above all the rest
Up, up and away I go
Helpful and hopeful
To all that I know
And once I reach
That shining star
I'll reach down and pull you up
Wherever you are

You’re slipping through my fingers

I just don’t know what to do

My mind says stop pretending

My heart says see this through

Everything feels so right but then it goes so wrong

It’s still the same old fiddler

He’s just marching to a different song

CHALLENGE
A Million Miles from Home

Now I feel so all alone
A million miles away from home
I have no where to lie my head
So I keep on moving some place instead
Walking and walking with nowhere to go
Surrounded by people
Still there's no one I know
Why don't you care about my distress?
You're just looking at my life saying,
"What a mess"
I need your help, can't you see?
Stop making excuses and laughing at me
At first I was only late on my rent
Then the bills piled up
and all my money was spent
Before I knew it, I had nowhere to go
And no one would talk to me except people I owe
This was the time when I needed a friend
Where are they now? Their concern was pretend
What is this life, merely a test?
I'm lucky to survive and doing my best
Please don't forget me, I'm so all alone
A million miles away from home.

Not One More Drink

I'm drinking because I'm lonely
I'm drinking because I'm mad
I'm drinking because I don't know what else to do
I'm drinking because I'm sad 

I want to lock the bar
And throw away the key
I look in the mirror every day
I don't like what I see

A person who's lost control
Drinking every day
How I do I stop this catastrophe
Of drinking myself away?

I am in pain!

I'm looking around talking to myself
I'm in pain, I can't take it anymore
I'm talking to myself
I can't take it anymore … this pain.
I'm talking to myself.
I can't take it anymore.
I'm talking to myself.

What more can I say?
You've apologized hundreds of times before
But this time sorry isn't enough anymore
Resentment is growing where love used to be
You're hearing my voice, but you're not listening to me
The frustrations so often and anger intense
That the simplest of phrases no longer make any sense
There's no promise in our future of any relief
Our relationship is blossoming nothing but grief
To change this strain between us
It almost seems ambiguous
The love we had forevermore
is the very thing we cannot restore
at this point I wish you would just go away
I don't know what you expect from me
What more can I say?

The Dark

I don't know why I'm so afraid to be left alone at night. Maybe it's childhood fears that are haunting me. If I'm with someone or it's light outside, I can sleep. But never when I am alone in the dark. As shadows lurk and noises emerge out of nowhere my heart begins beating uncontrollably. My breathing escalates as my eyes search the room for danger, but I can't see anyone. "Come out, come out wherever you are. I know you're there…I can feel you. What do you want from me? Just leave me alone!" Oh my God, it's 4:00am and the sun doesn't come out until 6:00am. It's strange how I have always felt like something was going to kill me in my sleep or hurt me in the dark, but in the sunlight I am safe. Why do I feel this way? I can't even sleep with the lights on knowing it's dark outside and I can't see out but this person can see in. I can hear breathing as I stare around the room into the darkness, watching the shadows move.

The Pain of Regret

Lord, the pain of regret. Lord please save me from my own doing. The dreams I had for myself, yet here I sit alone too late for me to be all that I ought to be. Had I only listened to myself while I had so much time before me, yet I spent it foolishly thinking that time only for me would stand still and that I would never fall victim to its merciless end. Now is when I need God the most, to forgive me of all my shortcomings and give me peace for my soul. Will He watch over me still though I have failed Him or is my only refuge the bed, which I have made? Oh that this fear would be lifted from me so that I may breathe again and be filled with happiness and hope for whatever lies ahead.

If I knew now what I did then

I wouldn’t do it all over again

I would turn back the time and change my ways

And look forward to much brighter days

God forgive me for the things I’ve done

God forgive me for the things I’ve said

God forgive me for the lies I’ve told,

All to hide the life I led.

All of the friends I have today

Won’t be my friends tomorrow

Because all of the paths along the way

I am running too fast to fallow

I can’t believe I lived another day without you

My mornings are so quiet and my evenings linger into the next day. My tears are endless washing all of my dreams away of what was supposed to be

The love I have for you keeps tearing at my heart

The thought of you dominates my mind to the point that I forget to breath. They say time heals all wounds but what if the wound is deep in my soul where the essence of my being resides.

Spring no longer fallows winter and there is no more April, May, June or July

Music has lost its melody and the birds refuse to fly

I gaze into the sky I don’t  like what I see

A lost forever after, that belongs to you and me.

There is something close
There is something near
I hear you whispering in my ear
The faintest due of the morning breeze
The warmest blue in the deepest sea
The hottest touch of the morning sun
My love for you has just begun.

You're gone forever

Why didn't I hold your hand while we were walking?

Why didn't I kiss your face while we were talking?

Why couldn't I hear you when you were screaming?

Why didn't I plead you to stay when you were leaving?

I loved you but didn't show it.

I needed you but didn't know it.

Now your gone forever the opportunity has passed

It could have been so beautiful had I only made it last.

Touch me
Hold me
Squeeze me tight
Take what's wrong
and make it right
Tell me you love me
Show me you care
tell me the danger
is no longer there

I'm so happy
I can hop like a frog
Or bark like a dog
I can "moo" like a cow
Or "who" with the owl
I can "humm" like a bee
Or swing from a tree
I can whistle like a bird
Or think things unheard
I can swim like a fish
On my birthday make a wish
I can crawl like a bug
Or give Mom a hug
I can "purr" like a cat
Or squeak like a bat
I won't lie I can't fly
Birds have wings,
But still I can do many things
I'm so happy as can be
It's just great to be me

Whispers from heaven filled my day with laughter

because I received a flower from you.

I stare into the blazing fire before me. As I sip I can feel peppermint schnapps tickling my senses, masked within the hot chocolate. I hold the cup in my palms, "Come closer to me rest a while by the fire," as I toss branches and twigs to keep the kindle a blazing. I look into your eyes. A silhouette dances behind you. It's your shadow intertwined with mine. The soft breeze whispers through the trees, but our shadows pay no attention, for they dance together with the movement of the flames as their guide.

I could tell you a million times that I love you, And I could tell you a million times how much I want you, but it’s only my tears that tell you how much I need you.

Miami My Love

Oh, Miami, you are so beautiful to me. Sometimes I have to catch my breath; I can't believe I live in such a beautiful paradise. Filled with people from every stretch of this globe. There is not a place in this world that you do not know, for you hold their natives in your midst. You are the dream of so many, yet you belong to no one. The countless immigrants who risk their lives just to set foot on your shore. Oh, how you must admire their determination to reach you, and how you must yearn for those you lost.

Your caress is so tender from the mist of your eastern shore. Your warmth surrounding me. Your temperature staggering from your light of day holding me through the night.

You will always be home to me, and countless others who have found in you a brighter tomorrow, a vacation get away, and finally a place to rest.

Look at my tits

Stop grabbing my ass

What did you say?

You’re talking too fast

Want to be with me?

Pay for a fuck?

What do you think I’m down on my luck?

Talking shit, making my way

Turning you on yet another day

Give me money, nothings for free

Dream of my honey or just let me be

Tell me what is the meaning in life my one and only brother

What kind of catastrophe to have lived with such a mother

Blood on her hands with a smile on her face

Now you’re gone forever

You left without a trace

Did you make it to heaven?

Or did they send you to hell?

They say suicide is unforgivable but what if the angels watch abuse but never tell?

GOD

If there is a God, why is there so much bad in the world?

I used to ask myself this very same question and I was angry at God for letting all of these people suffer. The questions filtering through my mind were, why is there homelessness, child abuse, racism, starvation, etc. I shook my finger at God and said, "Do something about it!"

Then it dawned on me that maybe it's our responsibility as humans. He gave us this planet to live in among one another. What we do with this world and how we treat each other is up to us.

If life is a test, maybe we're the ones who are failing. Are pollution or racism God's fault? We were given this planet at our discretion and were already taught the golden rule so … is there a God? Are we basing His existence on miracles? If so, in essence we are saying, "If God takes responsibility for our actions, then He exists, but if He doesn't perform for us, then we have all reason to doubt Him.

Miracles don't only come from God, they can also manifest themselves through people. It only takes one person to start the ball rolling, and then another and still another. All combining our talents and brotherly love, together we can make this world a better place.

Just being a mother

There was once a little girl who went into her mother's room to try on her clothes and makeup.

She then walked out of the house with her doll embraced in her arms.

She walked to the nearest playground. Once there, she found a comfortable spot to sit under a tall tree surrounded by grass.

She seemed content, even happy, when suddenly she started screaming and beating her doll against the ground. An older man saw this fit she was displaying and ran to her aid.

"Honey, honey are you okay?" he asked with concern. "Sure, I'm fine, just being a mother," replied the little girl with a radiant smile.

As time passed, it became noticeably late.

I better get home or my mom's going to be mad at me, she thought as she ran toward the house, faster and faster.

Her mother caught her at the door and grabbed the little girl by the arms.

"It's late. Where have you been?" she screamed as she shook her daughter furiously. "I've been worried sick about you!"

The little girl just stood there speechless and shaking. Finally the mother noticed what her daughter was wearing.

"Why do you have my clothes on?" she asked with a calm, yet curious and confused.

The girl looked up and answered, "Just being a mother."

People Change

Life is constantly changing and so are people. Some for the good others for the bad, but never the less they do change. It is so hard to forgive people who have hurt you, even though we ourselves seek forgiveness when we make mistakes, yet it's so hard to set aside our own heart ache and forgive the person who has caused us pain. It's even harder to give the person a chance for redemption, which is probably at this point out of the question. Especially if they have hurt us more then once. Maybe the person is sorry, maybe they have changed, but you'll never know if you don't forgive. Resentment only causes separation, the loss of time with that person, sometimes the loss if for a lifetime, maybe that person really is sorry. Could you imagine hurting someone and later repenting for your mistake only to find that there was no forgiveness for you. Have you ever been sorry before? Were you forgiven? You're not the same person you were before, you're constantly evolving and changing. Creating a new you every day. So won't you allow others to do the same?

Thank you Idiot

From my observations, not that I'm all that observant, ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant, but for those of us who need to help the ignorant, it's annoying as hell. The ignorant people pull out their hair in response to every minor problem that comes their way, at the same time degrading the intellectual. They want to feel in control, as if their belligerence were serving some purpose. Meanwhile, the intellectual entertains, encouraging their bliss, solving their problems, eventual serenity, their problems are resolved. Once again the blissful tells the intellectual, "If you had only listened to me, idiot."

It's not what you are, it's who you are!

The inner guide that seems to redirect us even though we don't seem to know what to do is GOD. The trust is within us, yes even though He seems a million miles away, still He is right there listening, watching and caring for all of us. No matter where you go He's still there with you. It may be in the form of an angel who was sent to protect you, a friend to comfort you, a pet to keep you company and even in the form of music or any other way in which He may choose to convey His presence. At times we expect Him to be larger than life and yet He could be right there comforting you and you don't even notice because you're waiting for lighting to strike. It's like looking for your keys yet they were in your hand all the while. He cares for us even though we are less than perfect. No matter what we've done or haven't done, He still loves us. It doesn't matter our race, sex, occupation or religion, we are all precious to Him. He loves us all and it's not what we are that He care, it's who we are.

You stare at a person but they pretend that they don't notice, and they shy away hoping that you don't get a glimpse of their true self. So you wonder. Could that person have been a friend, or even my perfect lover? So you watch as they walk away, knowing the person will get lost in the midst of this vast array of people inhabiting the earth. You may never see this person for the rest of your life.