Struggle For Intimacy
is the music of the soul,
As I am baring mine to you.
Thank you to all of my friends that
make my life possible.
To God for giving my life meaning.
And to love for giving me something
to live for.
wish I could just dream my self into
a new life. One filled with yellow
rays of light streaming from the sky
all around me holding me up away
from harm, and in the light of
happiness The days would never end.
The lonely nights would only be
memories. Tomorrow's dreams would be
today's realities. I would be filled
with God and the peace of love. The
darkness would fade away. I would
lye in flowers and violet colored
sheets made of silk. The fragrance
of flowers fills the air. Life would
be so light that I would just float
into the clouds. I would be gliding
with the birds as they circle me
singing there songs of praise to
a place in my heart
where you can go
where rivers run wild
and the flowers grow
where the skies are blue
and never gray
where the children laugh
and the adults can play
where the mountains are high
and the ocean deep
where the eagles fly
and the sparrows peep
where the colors are bright
and never fade
where my love can be found
in this masquerade
would I do for you?
you ask me to
I'll swim the ocean
battle the sea
Just to show you
what you mean to me
I'll fall out of the sky
and fly through the air
I'll hover about you
and whisper I'm here.
you laugh, I want to be your humor,
For your song, I want to be your
For your depression, I want to be
the ear and shoulder
If you despair, I want to be your
If you're lost, look to me as your
If you feel lonely, look to me as
If you feel abandon, look to me as
If you need, I want to give to you
If you're ever confused, come to me
I will help you sort it out
Why will I do, and why do I feel
Because I love you, and will forever
be devoted to you!
is the sense in trying
to separate two spirits intertwined,
the mind wonders
yet the souls emerge
breaking the ties that bind
fighting the inevitable
you and me now are we forever more
Come back to me
look in the sky and scream in the
"Where are you?"
But there's nobody there
I think what could I
What should I
What have I done?
Night's never fade
Without my sun.
day my lonely mornings,
Will be filled with flowers
and the fresh sent of coffee.
the drapes pulled back
and the sun light hitting my face.
soft words and much affection will
fill my years.
death will find me one day yet
with a smile on my face.
are my best friend
walk with me through my fields of
And give me a place when there's no
where to go. You're always there to
give me a hand
Even during those times when you
There's nothing like someone who
knows you the best Who won't let you
down like all of the rest.
The one who carries you through one
more day, and gives you the words
when there's nothing to say .
It's the person who gives to you
when there is no money to lend
You are this person, You're my best
donít have the answers to life
times I donít know what to do
donít know where I am going
just hope the directions with you.
seems to go so far
time passes so fast
I realize the meaning of
only the love that lasts
day is beautiful
the road is wide
driving with you
right by my side
listening to music
cruising with you
what a beautiful day
the top is down
not a cloud in the sky
I could feel like this forever
never questioning why
every finger there's a hand
For every hand there's a touch
For every touch there's a smile
For every smile there's a face
For every face there's a person
For every person there's a memory
For every memory there's a life
For every life there's hope.
each lock there is a key
And we must search so desperately
With each dream we do endeavor
It is our hopes to never say never.
You are so beautiful
your turn to be beautiful. Looking
at your brings me back to the days
when I dazzled the millions who
placed their eyes upon me. But it's
your turn to be the spectacle of
surprise, the splendor of wonder.
Oh, but it was good remembering me
once again the shadow of your grace.
am always striving to do my best
Reaching and climbing
Above all the rest
Up, up and away I go
Helpful and hopeful
To all that I know
And once I reach
That shining star
I'll reach down and pull you up
Wherever you are
slipping through my fingers
just donít know what to do
mind says stop pretending
heart says see this through
feels so right but then it goes so
still the same old fiddler
just marching to a different song
Million Miles from Home
I feel so all alone
A million miles away from home
I have no where to lie my head
So I keep on moving some place
Walking and walking with nowhere to
Surrounded by people
Still there's no one I know
Why don't you care about my
You're just looking at my life
"What a mess"
I need your help, can't you see?
Stop making excuses and laughing at
At first I was only late on my rent
Then the bills piled up
and all my money was spent
Before I knew it, I had nowhere to
And no one would talk to me except
people I owe
This was the time when I needed a
Where are they now? Their concern
What is this life, merely a test?
I'm lucky to survive and doing my
Please don't forget me, I'm so all
A million miles away from home.
Not One More Drink
drinking because I'm lonely
I'm drinking because I'm mad
I'm drinking because I don't know
what else to do
I'm drinking because I'm sad
want to lock the bar
And throw away the key
I look in the mirror every day
I don't like what I see
person who's lost control
Drinking every day
How I do I stop this catastrophe
Of drinking myself away?
I am in pain!
looking around talking to myself
I'm in pain, I can't take it anymore
I'm talking to myself
I can't take it anymore Ö this
I'm talking to myself.
I can't take it anymore.
I'm talking to myself.
What more can I say?
apologized hundreds of times before
But this time sorry isn't enough
Resentment is growing where love
used to be
You're hearing my voice, but you're
not listening to me
The frustrations so often and anger
That the simplest of phrases no
longer make any sense
There's no promise in our future of
Our relationship is blossoming
nothing but grief
To change this strain between us
It almost seems ambiguous
The love we had forevermore
is the very thing we cannot restore
at this point I wish you would just
I don't know what you expect from me
What more can I say?
don't know why I'm so afraid to be
left alone at night. Maybe it's
childhood fears that are haunting
me. If I'm with someone or it's
light outside, I can sleep. But
never when I am alone in the dark.
As shadows lurk and noises emerge
out of nowhere my heart begins
beating uncontrollably. My breathing
escalates as my eyes search the room
for danger, but I can't see anyone.
"Come out, come out wherever
you are. I know you're thereÖI can
feel you. What do you want from me?
Just leave me alone!" Oh my
God, it's 4:00am and the sun doesn't
come out until 6:00am. It's strange
how I have always felt like
something was going to kill me in my
sleep or hurt me in the dark, but in
the sunlight I am safe. Why do I
feel this way? I can't even sleep
with the lights on knowing it's dark
outside and I can't see out but this
person can see in. I can hear
breathing as I stare around the room
into the darkness, watching the
The Pain of Regret
the pain of regret. Lord please save
me from my own doing. The dreams I
had for myself, yet here I sit alone
too late for me to be all that I
ought to be. Had I only listened to
myself while I had so much time
before me, yet I spent it foolishly
thinking that time only for me would
stand still and that I would never
fall victim to its merciless end.
Now is when I need God the most, to
forgive me of all my shortcomings
and give me peace for my soul. Will
He watch over me still though I have
failed Him or is my only refuge the
bed, which I have made? Oh that this
fear would be lifted from me so that
I may breathe again and be filled
with happiness and hope for whatever
I knew now what I did then
wouldnít do it all over again
would turn back the time and change
look forward to much brighter days
forgive me for the things Iíve
forgive me for the things Iíve
forgive me for the lies Iíve told,
to hide the life I led.
of the friends I have today
be my friends tomorrow
all of the paths along the way
am running too fast to fallow
canít believe I lived another day
mornings are so quiet and my
evenings linger into the next day.
My tears are endless washing all of
my dreams away of what was supposed
love I have for you keeps tearing at
thought of you dominates my mind to
the point that I forget to breath.
They say time heals all wounds but
what if the wound is deep in my soul
where the essence of my being
no longer fallows winter and there
is no more April, May, June or July
has lost its melody and the birds
refuse to fly
gaze into the sky I donít
like what I see
lost forever after, that belongs to
you and me.
is something close
There is something near
I hear you whispering in my ear
The faintest due of the morning
The warmest blue in the deepest sea
The hottest touch of the morning sun
My love for you has just begun.
You're gone forever
Why didn't I hold your hand while we were walking?
Why didn't I kiss your face while we were talking?
Why couldn't I hear you when you were screaming?
Why didn't I plead you to stay when you were leaving?
I loved you but didn't show it.
I needed you but didn't know it.
Now your gone forever the opportunity has passed
It could have been so beautiful had I only made it last.
Squeeze me tight
Take what's wrong
and make it right
Tell me you love me
Show me you care
tell me the danger
is no longer there
I can hop like a frog
Or bark like a dog
I can "moo" like a cow
Or "who" with the owl
I can "humm" like a bee
Or swing from a tree
I can whistle like a bird
Or think things unheard
I can swim like a fish
On my birthday make a wish
I can crawl like a bug
Or give Mom a hug
I can "purr" like a cat
Or squeak like a bat
I won't lie I can't fly
Birds have wings,
But still I can do many things
I'm so happy as can be
It's just great to be me
from heaven filled my day with
I received a flower from you.
stare into the blazing fire before
me. As I sip I can feel peppermint
schnapps tickling my senses, masked
within the hot chocolate. I hold the
cup in my palms, "Come closer
to me rest a while by the
fire," as I toss branches and
twigs to keep the kindle a blazing.
I look into your eyes. A silhouette
dances behind you. It's your shadow
intertwined with mine. The soft
breeze whispers through the trees,
but our shadows pay no attention,
for they dance together with the
movement of the flames as their
I could tell you a million times that I love you,
And I could tell you a million times how much I want you,
but itís only my tears that tell
you how much I need you.
Miami My Love
Miami, you are so beautiful to me.
Sometimes I have to catch my breath;
I can't believe I live in such a
beautiful paradise. Filled with
people from every stretch of this
globe. There is not a place in this
world that you do not know, for you
hold their natives in your midst.
You are the dream of so many, yet
you belong to no one. The countless
immigrants who risk their lives just
to set foot on your shore. Oh, how
you must admire their determination
to reach you, and how you must yearn
for those you lost.
caress is so tender from the mist of
your eastern shore. Your warmth
surrounding me. Your temperature
staggering from your light of day
holding me through the night.
will always be home to me, and
countless others who have found in
you a brighter tomorrow, a vacation
get away, and finally a place to
Look at my tits
Stop grabbing my ass
What did you say?
Youíre talking too fast
Want to be with me?
Pay for a fuck?
What do you think Iím down on my luck?
Talking shit, making my way
Turning you on yet another day
Give me money, nothings for free
Dream of my honey or just let me be
me what is the meaning in life my
one and only brother
kind of catastrophe to have lived
with such a mother
on her hands with a smile on her
youíre gone forever
left without a trace
you make it to heaven?
did they send you to hell?
say suicide is unforgivable but what
if the angels watch abuse but never
there is a God, why is there so much
bad in the world?
used to ask myself this very same
question and I was angry at God for
letting all of these people suffer.
The questions filtering through my
mind were, why is there
homelessness, child abuse, racism,
starvation, etc. I shook my finger
at God and said, "Do something
it dawned on me that maybe it's our
responsibility as humans. He gave us
this planet to live in among one
another. What we do with this world
and how we treat each other is up to
life is a test, maybe we're the ones
who are failing. Are pollution or
racism God's fault? We were given
this planet at our discretion and
were already taught the golden rule
so Ö is there a God? Are we basing
His existence on miracles? If so, in
essence we are saying, "If God
takes responsibility for our
actions, then He exists, but if He
doesn't perform for us, then we have
all reason to doubt Him.
don't only come from God, they can
also manifest themselves through
people. It only takes one person to
start the ball rolling, and then
another and still another. All
combining our talents and brotherly
love, together we can make this
world a better place.
Just being a mother
was once a little girl who went into
her mother's room to try on her
clothes and makeup.
then walked out of the house with
her doll embraced in her arms.
walked to the nearest playground.
Once there, she found a comfortable
spot to sit under a tall tree
surrounded by grass.
seemed content, even happy, when
suddenly she started screaming and
beating her doll against the ground.
An older man saw this fit she was
displaying and ran to her aid.
honey are you okay?" he asked
with concern. "Sure, I'm fine,
just being a mother," replied
the little girl with a radiant
time passed, it became noticeably
better get home or my mom's going to
be mad at me, she thought as she ran
toward the house, faster and faster.
mother caught her at the door and
grabbed the little girl by the arms.
late. Where have you been?" she
screamed as she shook her daughter
furiously. "I've been worried
sick about you!"
little girl just stood there
speechless and shaking. Finally the
mother noticed what her daughter was
do you have my clothes on?" she
asked with a calm, yet curious and
girl looked up and answered,
"Just being a mother."
is constantly changing and so are
people. Some for the good others for
the bad, but never the less they do
change. It is so hard to forgive
people who have hurt you, even
though we ourselves seek forgiveness
when we make mistakes, yet it's so
hard to set aside our own heart ache
and forgive the person who has
caused us pain. It's even harder to
give the person a chance for
redemption, which is probably at
this point out of the question.
Especially if they have hurt us more
then once. Maybe the person is
sorry, maybe they have changed, but
you'll never know if you don't
forgive. Resentment only causes
separation, the loss of time with
that person, sometimes the loss if
for a lifetime, maybe that person
really is sorry.
you imagine hurting someone and
later repenting for your mistake
only to find that there was no
forgiveness for you. Have you ever
been sorry before? Were you
forgiven? You're not the same person
you were before, you're constantly
evolving and changing. Creating a
new you every day. So won't you
allow others to do the same?
my observations, not that I'm all
that observant, ignorance may be
bliss for the ignorant, but for
those of us who need to help the
ignorant, it's annoying as hell. The
ignorant people pull out their hair
in response to every minor problem
that comes their way, at the same
time degrading the intellectual.
They want to feel in control, as if
their belligerence were serving some
purpose. Meanwhile, the intellectual
entertains, encouraging their bliss,
solving their problems, eventual
serenity, their problems are
resolved. Once again the blissful
tells the intellectual, "If you
had only listened to me,
not what you are, it's who you are!
inner guide that seems to redirect
us even though we don't seem to know
what to do is GOD. The trust is
within us, yes even though He seems
a million miles away, still He is
right there listening, watching and
caring for all of us. No matter
where you go He's still there with
you. It may be in the form of an
angel who was sent to protect you, a
friend to comfort you, a pet to keep
you company and even in the form of
music or any other way in which He
may choose to convey His presence.
At times we expect Him to be larger
than life and yet He could be right
there comforting you and you don't
even notice because you're waiting
for lighting to strike. It's like
looking for your keys yet they were
in your hand all the while. He cares
for us even though we are less than
perfect. No matter what we've done
or haven't done, He still loves us.
It doesn't matter our race, sex,
occupation or religion, we are all
precious to Him. He loves us all and
it's not what we are that He care,
it's who we are.
stare at a person but they pretend
that they don't notice, and they shy
away hoping that you don't get a
glimpse of their true self. So you
wonder. Could that person have been
a friend, or even my perfect lover?
So you watch as they walk away,
knowing the person will get lost in
the midst of this vast array of
people inhabiting the earth. You may
never see this person for the rest
of your life.